Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
