I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
