so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
