i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
