remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
