It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
