considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
God, I missed his penis.
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