last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
