there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
