so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize