Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
