True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
