This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
