Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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