Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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