people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
