laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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