Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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