Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Randomize
