My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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