When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
