now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
