Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
