She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
