when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
