Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
