I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
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