i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
