Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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