She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
