I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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