That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
