How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
this boner is exhausting
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
