i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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