the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
