Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
The best revenge is premature balding
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize