You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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