Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
