so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
