Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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