so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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