chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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