I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
