I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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