i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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