i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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