I wannas sexs uuuuu
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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