you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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