Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
