You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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