i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
