Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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