Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize