The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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