I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Quick, to the slutcave!
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
