I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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