piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
it's great music for shaving your balls
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
