Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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