i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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