My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
