I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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