just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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