batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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