i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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