Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
