Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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