It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
