I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
