i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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