Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
