i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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