so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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