are you still at the devil's house?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
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