i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
