So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
The uberlube is also flammable
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
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