I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
