Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
