i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
