chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
