i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
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