i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
