i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
