Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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