just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
