So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
