he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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