Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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