are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize