the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
