ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I queefed so loud it echoed.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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