i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
