he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
