we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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