1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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