They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
