you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize