i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
