Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
you made out with another girl for some wings
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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