Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
