"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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