Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
