How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
