ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
