Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
