He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
My bed smells like the plague
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
