You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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