At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
