She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
