So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
