My sheets look like a crime scene.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
