Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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